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Self Sabotage- when you don’t feel worthy of beauty.

We often feel unworthy of beauty when we get caught up in our roles.
We often feel unworthy of beauty when we get caught up in our roles.

Sometimes in our lives, we lose sight of ourselves to such an extent that even a litre of cookies and cream ice cream is not going to drag us out of the quagmire that is the dressing gown and slippers.

Sometimes we are so caught up on the treadmill of kids, work, cleaning and caring that our very soul lags behind like a sulky child.

Sometimes, we have become so lost in our roles that we become invisible to ourselves and certainly insignificant.

Some of us may have even been taught that to focus on yourself is selfish.

Beauty- Pah! I don’t have time, money, inclination…. or perhaps just maybe I don’t feel worthy.

I feel very much that when I became a mum with all the beauty, angst, terror and tenderness that it involved I really did step into this role and lose myself for a long time.

So much so, that my confidence twindled away to a dandelion in a strong breeze status.

With a lack of confidence comes a lack of significance and without significance we feel worthless.

So, what is to be done?

1. Fake it until you make it. There is a small, bottom lip trembling part of you that wants you just to have a go otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this. However small it is. So, shut your eyes, take a deep breath and go and pick one flower from yours or someone elses garden and place it in a jar beside your bed. Do the same each day until you have one flower in each room.

2. Don’t get overwhelmed with overhauling your beauty and fitness regime, your house, garden, friends etc. Just take one area of your life the one that is the least personal and important to you and start there. See the difference it makes and then move on to the next area of your life.

3. This one really works for me, think of the benefits for others in your life being bringing beauty into your life. Our homes are the sanctuaries we want them to be for our families. Our gardens not only nourish our delectable bodies with their bounty of fruit and veggies, but the garden is an escape for those you love. You are showing your children how to take care of themselves physically and by living a beautiful life in acts of service you are bringing untold joy and reward to the lives of everyone you help and again set a ripper example to your kids.

4. Why don’t you deserve beauty in your life? What is it that is holding you back by the shoulders and stopping you from pursuing a life filled with loveliness and light. Exploring that fear and sitting with it and being ok to be terrified to your guts is I think the first step to fundamental change.

5. Start saying a mantra to yourself. They work. Here’s mine. “I welcome beauty, abundance and prosperity into my life because I am worthy.” We are dealing sometimes with the deepest, darkest sometimes youngest parts of ourselves that take a long time to change. The simple repetition of something like that begins to change the neurological programming of your brain.

6. When you do observe yourself saying things like you don’t deserve beauty in your life, then be really compassionate with yourself. Treat yourself like a great friend who is need of an ear and some advice. Pour yourself a cup of tea or a glass of wine. I think some cheese and some nice crackers are in order too. Just write down everything you are feeling without judgement and then write a response to yourself using the same language and words you would to a friend. As women, we are for some reason that I really haven’t fathomed yet, so hard on ourselves! Much harder than we would ever dream of being with a friend.

I hope that gives you a place to start, and know this from the bottom of my sometimes hairy toes…you are in no way alone in feeling this way.

What advice do you have for someone who is feeling like this? Or what do you do when the self-esteem goes for a swim in the toilet?